During my season of grief, I took a life coaching course. I was able to learn about the transformative process of validation. This was a turning point for me.
Validation is the ability to feel the emotions someone else is going through. It’s empathy. When someone feels validated in their pain, they are able to get out of the pain cycle in a healthier way. Your brain has a pain process to get you out of pain; if you’re not validated in that journey, you can get stuck in the pain process. Something, I learned as well is about atonement. Atonement is when someone sees you, cares about you, understands your emotions, and still wants to be with you. First, you have to validate that the pain exists to begin the healing process. I know for me, I use to try to shut emotions down with logic. But if you don’t validate at a heart level you can’t get out of the pain cycle.
Remember, validation and empathy is not fixing someone’s pain. It’s affirming that person’s pain and connecting with it.
If someone is not able to validate it often means they have never been validated themselves. If you compare pain, you’ll never be able to validate your pain and get to the other side either.
Another thing to understand is that empathy is about getting off your high horse of judgement. When in conversations with someone, think about a similar situation and the emotion you felt. You don’t have to tell the person that story, but think of the emotion to try to connect.
Empathy can be a lost art when among our peers. Empathy was also a lost art on me. This was not something I was taught. I’ve had to grow into this muscle. Until I started becoming more self-aware of my own emotions, this process did not begin. Deepening my empathy helped me refocus. I realized that connecting with people is the ultimate goal. Not who was right. Not to be the fixer. The goal is to connect with the person in front of me at a heart level. Being intentional in this area will change how you relate to others. Being a better listener makes you a better friend. It will allow you to go deeper quicker, which then strengthens those relationships for the long haul.
Again, I am in the middle of this process right now. But one thing I know, when you speak from the heart, it will hit the mark. So, if nothing else, remember to empathize with those around you. If you don’t understand them, ask the Holy Spirit for understanding. People have more going on than what they are saying. So, let’s be compassionate in knowing there is more to their stories.
And, as always, bring your cheer and smile from ear to ear.
A happy heart always make for a good day for those around you!! Be that person today!! Be you!! Shine bright!! You are amazing!! You are loved!! Keep moving forward! The pain will not last as long as you think, and on the other side is goodness, freedom, and life. We will continue next week with the letter N.