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Michal – The Passive Aggressive Wife

Today, we will look at another one of David’s wives named Michal.

Now as the ark of the Lord came into the City of David, Michal, Saul’s daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart. So they brought the ark of the Lord, and set it in its place in the midst of the tabernacle that David had erected for it. Then David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord. And when David had finished offering burnt offerings and peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts. Then he distributed among all the people, among the whole multitude of Israel, both the women and the men, to everyone a loaf of bread, a piece of meat, and a cake of raisins. So all the people departed, everyone to his house.

Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”

So David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who CHOSE me INSTEAD of YOUR father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the Lord. And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor.”

Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.

-2 Samuel 6:16-23 NKJV

What an interesting martial account. Let’s break it down.

Can you see this playing out? Michal was the daughter of a king. So perception, I will perceive, was drilled into her since she was a little girl. What would/do people think? Now, she looks down at her husband (why wasn’t she apart of this celebration?) who is now king and despises him in her heart just from watching him leap and whirl.

Point 1 - Worship is a heart posture. David blessed the people and then came home to bless his family. Yet, before he could even do that, Michal spoke to him in a very passive aggressive way.

Point 2 - Contempt robbed the joy of the moment. What did David do? Stuck it right back in Michal’s face. “It was before the Lord, who chose ME instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel.” Sounds like fighting words to me. Then he continued his statement by saying, I’m going to do as I see fit and “be even more undignified than this.” That should shut her up. When he says, “I will be humble in my own sight,” I’m not sure if that is being humble, but in the heat of the moment I can see the emotion speaking out in this way.

Point 3 - When emotions override our wisdom, the conversation doesn’t bring understanding or connection. The final sentence is what is so disheartening. Her womb never bloomed again. I have a feeling this was brewing in her heart before this day. However, that moment was the nail in her future WOMB coffin. She was in the wrong even though neither of them spoke kindly to each other in the process of sharing their hearts. In the end, I don’t think either of them actually shared their hearts that day. It was the emotions of shame and rejection that lead the conversation.

I wrote something recently about how we perceive things when hearing one another in a conversation. One way of hearing can be from a lens of security and love. Another way is from a lens of rejection and strife. Example: have you ever had someone come and tell you something that bothered them and then you started to shame them back by telling them about all the things that bother you? I’m, just asking for a friend 😉

One of the reasons I’m highlighting these stories is to hopefully bring some humanity to them. This is a common type of conversion. One person is doing something the other really doesn’t like. She goes to talk about it, but instead of being honest, she goes into it passive aggressively. He feels blindsided and reacts instead of responds. The conversation gets personal. God did this, not me. Really? He can’t take ownership either, so he blames God at this moment. God made me king so I can do as I please (pride). By the end of it all, everyone loses. There weren’t any future offspring and we don’t know much more about their connection after this point either.

May this be a lesson. Check your heart before you start to drive a wedge into another person by your perceived moment of shame. Sometimes the act itself is not shameful, but your understanding of it or lack of understanding can bring about a shameful feeling. Awareness of our weaknesses is key to our understanding. Michal didn’t like what David did. However, the deeper question she could have asked herself and the Holy Spirit is why does his dancing bother me internally? That could have been a breakthrough moment for her, and then a deeper, more connected conversation with her husband could have been had when he returned.

May we take heed to this story today, and not repeat this very common pattern. It’s not easy to seek the Lord for wisdom and die to our fleshly desires to find justice or validation in our moment of distress. Yet, if the goal is connection, not only does seeking the Father for guidance bring us closer connection to Him, but when we can communicate our true feelings to each other, a deeper conversation and heart connection will be made as well.

This one felt a little heated to write. But, here’s the conclusion: let’s all do better. I can do better. We can do better, but it seems we have to believe better to perceive better for each other to hear better towards each other. Love and security/safety of friendship is key for good heart connectivity, and it just makes my heart happy to see people fully seen, heard, and valued.

Until next time,

Stay Tender

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Be a Sender

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May 23, 2022

I think Michal was the prideful one in this story. David had a lot to be rejoicing about, and he danced with all his might for the Lord. It was an outward expression of his inward heart for God. Michal, for whatever reasons, could not appreciate that....even to the point of despising him and attacking him verbally on a day of rejoicing. Her heart was not where his was, and the day's event brought all that to light, in my opinion. David HUMBLED himself before the Lord that day. He took off his royal garments, put on the linen cloth, and danced with all his heart before his God. The pomp was for the LORD, not David...and she despised…

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