You might not know, but my husband passed away on June 12, 2017. On the way to the hospital that day, my niece Amber, who had just graduated from college the month before, told Jesus she would stand in if asked. Well, I asked and she gladly moved in with me and my two kids. This girl has been a lifeline for me for three and a half years, and last summer on her 27th birthday she prayed and told God she was ready for another adventure. Well, 6 months later, she got her wish and she has now moved 5 hours away. So, this year starts a new part of my journey of adulting as a family of three.
As I drove away from her new apartment, a grief wave, as they call it, came crashing down. I cried on and off the whole way home. So, to my journal I went to connect with my heart. This is the message I got about why this wave came so hard:
“You have been running hard. You didn’t really ask your heart about this move, and then it just hits you. To better prepare, you have to ask your heart to become more aware. Asking is part of the get to knowing. So today, the loss was about the lack of asking!!!!”
Well, there you have it folks. The message was clear. I didn’t check in!
Before all of this happened, my household got COVID-19 for Christmas. We missed most of our Christmas events. On Dec 30th, I wrote in my journal, “Holy Spirit, can You shine some light on this COVID chronicle?” He responded, “It was time to slow down, reset, to give yourself a minute. Everything was moving too fast. This was not a punishment. This way, you all entered a new year together. You enter together here and then you allowed her to go and grow.”
In our quarantine, people came to our rescue. We didn’t have to hustle. It was a time of rest and to be together. No, we didn’t feel good, but we got better and got to cross over into a new year together. And then, a song came forth telling a little bit of my niece’s story. This is my interpretation of some of her stories:
Title: I’ve Found My Home
Once there was a little girl
Who wrote in bed all of her swirls
She wondered if she’d ever go,
Past the road that felt like home
Once there was a college girl
To graduate and send to the world
She made her bed and walked away
To her aunt’s house and there she stayed
Once there was a growing girl
Who prayed a prayer to fly like a bird
She looked around and there she found
It was Char-town that’s homeward bound
Now, there is a happy girl
Who knows her worth
As an adopted girl
She rode away
With joy to say,
I am loved and home today
I carry home inside of me
I am happy to be alone and free
I know this is my destiny
Thank You, Lord, for carrying me
Now, this is my story
To sit and dream
With my Daddy
He is near and He’ll bring His cheer
In Christ alone, I’ve found my home
I’ve found my home
You see, home is where the heart is, and out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. They are very related to our healing and our destiny. Amber spoke her heart to the Father and He gave her the desires of her heart. But, before that moment, she chose to sit with me through my healing, and I am not done healing yet. She did hard things. And now, it was time for her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and church family to let her fly away and spread her wings. It was finally Amber’s day! I told her, “Amber gets what she wants.” So, she has started in a new state and in a new city, but one thing is sure, In Christ alone, she’s found her home.
She had to find herself before she could build a home somewhere else. She wanted that, and again, the Father blessed her with her desires. Now there will be more healing in her future, but this leg of the race is about walking it alone to the visible, but to the invisible, she has many friends. She has always made friends easy. I believe she has a whole heavenly hosting watching over her. By happenstance she started her new job on January 12, 2021. That date felt right to me!!! Thank You, Jesus, for that nod. Twelve is about overcoming the odds for me, and this feels like one of those moments.
So, Amber, here is your tribute:
Thank you for everything you did for me, my kids, your family and friends, the church, and beyond. You are beyond words. Your beauty. Your poise. Your deep love for the Father. Your deep love for people. Your commitment to excellence no matter the task. You have been a gift! It has felt eternal this measure of love you have poured out. It’s changed me. It’s humbled me. It’s challenged me. You have made me better. You have helped my heart become more tender. You have helped me ask better questions, to listen longer and to understand, not just to add another opinion. Thank you for all the concerts and all the adventures. This was our together story for His glory. No distance can split our hearts. So, thank you and I am eternally grateful!!!
Give Amber a new set of eyes to see beyond the skies. She got new shoes this Christmas too, so allow her to walk with confidence into a new territory for Your glory. May her confidence shine through and allow others to understand it’s the love she has for You that makes her look so much like You. You’re a Good Father, and may I say, You did an amazing job creating her. There is only one Amber! She is a treasure and my prayer is one day someone will come along and see this treasure too. The Father will reveal to him how to handle this one with a level of care sent from the Father upstairs. Thank You, Jesus, for this moment in time. Thank You for caring for us and allowing us to know You better. Thank You for the gift of time. Thank You for sending my Amber over to stay for a while. It’s been a wild ride. And, the story is not over.....what’s next? Only God knows!!!! We just have to follow the Leader and He will continue to reveal His purposes for each of us. Amen and amen.
Until next time,
Connect to the Mender.
Be a Sender.